In the 1990s a British guy called Mark Morrison had his only true pop chart hit with a song called ‘Return of the Mack’. Now if you tinker with the lyrics ever so slightly you will be singing ‘Return of the Plax, You know that I’d be back.’
The Plax of course refers to former Super Bowl winning WR Plaxico Burress who went from hero to zero after literally (not metaphorically like most idiotic NFL superstars who have run ins with the law) shooting himself in the foot at a nightclub.
Plax served just under two years in a state prison (Oneida Correctional Facility in New York – somewhat inappropriately situated on ‘School Road’ in Oneida County) before his release this month.
Rumour has it that the Philadelphia Eagles want the former jailbird to add to their receiving corps, joining the explosive but shorter DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin.
Plax did him self no harm to the natives of Philly after he came out of the prison sporting a red Philadelphia Phillies baseball cap (see here).
With 2011 Free Agency about as lively as Jabba the Hutt after 100 Philly cheese steaks there is nowhere for Plax to immediately go, apart from the free world.
Even though his journey to freedom did not involve crawling through a 500 yard long tunnel full of human excrement (a.l.a. Red’s narration in Shawshank Redemption “Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine”) he did have a pretty crappy time I can imagine.
On a fantasy football front I think Plax still has enough determination and talent to get about 50 catches for 800 yards and 5 touchdowns if Roger and Demorrio ever get their fingers out of their asses and decide that it is mutually beneficial to actually have an NFL season.
For all you Mark Morrison fans – here is the video I mentioned at the start of this post. Yes readers its that desperate during these strike ridden times, I am resorting to 90s pop videos.